So you think saying "I love you" is the key?

So you think saying "I love you" is the key?

Being in the wedding industry - well the mens wedding bands industry - doesn't make us an expert on weddings or marriages. But 35 years of marriage with all the normal ups and downs and "sorry's" might be license enough to talk about this subject - one that receives more and more press as more and more marriages disintegrate. And that is a sad fact but can it be prevented? Well, this is one man that thinks so and here are 5 reasons:

1. There is more to keeping your marriage alive than saying "I love you". Before you get up in arms about these 3 simple little words being unimportant, please understand the true message - love is an action word far more than a statement of truth or condition. Showing love is more important in a marriage than saying the word love.  How do we say love? We say it by a small hand-picked bouquet a flowers after a morning jog in the park. We say it when we put the spouse's agenda before our won - try that some time and see how easy it is! For example you have settled into possibly the favorite football game of the year and your spouse says, "honey, remember we agreed that today we would start planting the garden in the back yard." You reply, I love you but I really want to watch the game today. How far did that get you? Yeah, thought so.

While important, the love words when spoken without appropriate action, seem somewhat hollow. You have witnessed it yourself when a flippant "I love you" is followed by actions that seem to indicate otherwise. Maybe the best solution is to meld the two into one - symbolic of your marriage vows - and complement the words with the actions. Try it, and see if you don't agree.

2. Understanding your spouses needs of love is worth the asking and the discussion and the investment. What does your spouse want from you? Is it a verbal reassurance? Is it a gorgeous new wedding ring? Is it helping vacuum the living room? Is it time - the hardest gift to give?

A heart to heart conversation can usually get to the bottom of both of your deepest love desires. In "The 5 Love Languages" author Gary Chapman suggests that understanding the language of your spouse and acting on it is the true meaning and application of love. One love language is "acts of service". I personally have a spouse who knows I really love her when she comes home from work and the home is tidy, the dishes are done, and the floors are spotless. She knows that I thought about her and what she likes me to do and she knows that by doing these little things I am saying "I love you" in HER language. This has proven to be a very compelling marriage strengthener at least from my perspective. 

3. Fidelity is more than a goal - it is THE essential building building block of marital stability. Trust is earned over time. There can be no real trust when a partner violates the most intimate bond in marriage. The repair work after this kind of trust is broken can take years and in some cases the cracks in the relationship never truly heal. Trust me, it is far easier to remain faithful than it is to try and mend a broken heart after infidelity.

Temptations abound and there may be many reasons why having another relationship other than with your spouse seems to be justified, but make no mistake ... if a marriage is to last it must be through absolute and total fidelity in the marriage. No excuses, no exceptions and no way around it. If love has been compromised, it might be time to confess and to have an open discussion if the marriage is to remain intact. Counseling can help and so can a change in behavior. But again, better to apply a few ounces of prevention than many pounds of cure after the fact.

4. Work is at the heart of a successful business and so it is with a successful marriage. I know, we have all heard this. And if you read #2 above you have probably already figured out that showing love through work is one of the best love languages in the world - everyone understands this language even though there may be different dialects such as vacuuming, dishes, making the beds, tending the children and planting the garden together.

Work. Probably the most important of the 4-letter words. Work seems to overcome so many difficulties. Working through a problem in a relationship means time, effort, talking, unselfishness, and desire. Work proves there is love at the heart of the marriage. Sit down together and define what work looks like to each of you - then start working today.

5. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. In my opinion, two people brought together in love have abut a 50-50 chance of remaining together in the marriage relationship. And if you include marriages where the love is missing or at least extremely soft, the percentages drop another 25%.

So what does God have to do with it? Marriages with a higher power at the center of the relationship have a far higher statistical chance of remaining together and of being deeper in love than those in which God is missing altogether. With God, all positives are magnified and all differences are minimized. A marriage that is based upon the love of God is going to have a far greater chance of staying alive and vibrant through life's many and varied problems and challenges. Find God and you find love. You find a purpose for love and your love deepens and becomes more unselfish. Try it. You'll like it! 

Conclusion. We may sell unique mens wedding bands but we also believe that it takes more than a ring to make a good marriage. We also know that our readers have experiences that when shared bring so much more light ot this important subject. We'd love to hear from you - please email us at 

11th Dec 2014 Ron Johnson

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